06 June 2022

The sixth day of the June and yesterday was the first day I missed an entry here. How quickly I somersaulted on my own words, is mortifying. The day before yesterday, I sewed some really big words here about crawling my way forward but, last night I just let go completely and fell into the rabbit hole of tears and fears. I failed my words which is not surprising. Yesterday, I finished the marathon, made my submission and I started to watch this new TV show until I realized I was just breaking down continuously. Getting cut off by multiple self-directed mini-manic episodes, I got tired and shut the show instead.

I woke up this morning but couldn't find a single reason or a work to get up to. Have been stifling my breakdowns all day today, and it is becoming an icy volcano bubbling with teary lava. The reason you ask, but I do not know. It is so difficult to pinpoint what crippled my crust so austere that led to this breakthrough of magma of woe and anguish. Every time, I go to pieces, it feels like chambers of embers and reservoirs of lava burst open and floods my mind. Then, I spend days dusting off the powdery ash and wiping the unguent remains before it runs around and compacts my mind and entire corporeal into a boulder of self-abhorrence. But, no matter what I do to make myself believe that I have undone this caldera, I can not escape the destruction that has been done leaving behind a trail of minacious zones.

I will spend the night doing some proofreading. I received another report with some good results that reflect my progress.

Today's mood: tensed, frenzied, and discomfort.

- Oizys.