I have many thoughts but nothing to
write. Nothing that I want to jot down. There is nothing that I want to
write here that I would like to read in a few years to feel something.
But, since I have made it clear to myself that I will try to be consistent here, I will make sure to write something or other.
There are no work leads available or foreseeable.
The current landscape in the folk household is improving and coming to normal standards.
I still constantly work around eggshells and try to maintain low contact.
I
have also not been able to proofread, actively apply for work, or write
here properly for the past few days. I am all drained out after all the
havoc. I have no imagination left, nor any creativity with words
either. Back to square one.
I also turned the diary into private
mode, for what reason I do not know. I want people to read me but not
analyze or judge me. I want people to see me but not recognize me. I
want people to hear me but not think about me. I think I am scared of
being discovered, but at the same time, I desperately want to be known.
It
is so perplexing to feel empty and at the same time feel constricted,
like something is stuck inside. I am tired of reminding myself that I am
actually alive and breathing. I have to zone myself in by putting my
hands on a firm surface and pressing the tips of my fingers to remind
myself that this body of mine is working.
Today's mood: L'Ennui.
- Oizys.