Random Diary Entry - 20th April 2023

Deep in obsession - Unable to give up

I feel as if I am too deep in obsession with my dream school, and I am unable to give up. unable to accept reality. It's been almost a month I am in waitlist. People who had received offers after I got waitlisted rejected them and got second offers. I am still in waitlist. I feel practically like I don't have a chance. I know that. But I am unable to give up. But I know. That means that even if I get an offer now, there won't be much financial aid. So, I won't be able to attend. I feel deluded that some kind of magic will happen. As if they will suddenly send an amazing offer and ask me to join the programme. I am scared and sad. I feel helpless and hopeless.

How do I give up and recover from this?

 

- Oizys.

NaPoWriMo Day 19: Little Girl and Big Hands

Prompt: Cast your mind back to your own childhood and write a poem about something that scared you – or was used to scare you – and which still haunts you (if only a little bit) today.

As I cast my mind back to my childhood days,
I recall a fear that left me in a daze.
The monster that taunted me in the dark of night,
With grazing hands and grotesque bites.

Under my bedcovers, he would silently lurk,
With sharp pointy teeth and a growling smirk.
I'd freeze under my covers and silently pray,
Hoping he wouldn't break me and carry me away.

My parents would tell me it was all in my head,
That monsters weren't real and I should go back to bed.
But the bed is were the monster waited for me to touch,
And every creak and groan made me jump and clutch.

Now, as an adult, I have deluded they weren't real,
But the fear of the night still makes me feel,
Like a child once again, with a vivid consternation,
Hoping that the monster won't bring me damnation.

So, even now, I keep a light on at night,
Just to keep those hands at bay and in sight.
For the fear may be small, but it still lingers on,
From those childhood nights when the monster had won.

- Oizys.