Days like these. So empty, so hollow. Every night, you wish for darkness, a darkness that existed before your existence, to come and engulf you. Every morning you lay in your cot and drown yourself in the question, 'why did I wake up'? The feeling of not being. The feeling of not wanting something. The feeling of anti-desire. The feeling of not being unable to want something. And, the guilt. Oh, the guilt! The guilt attached to the feeling of not wanting something. The guilt of not being able to perceive anything good. The guilt of being nothing. An unprecedented and invalid rage bubbled in my veins. Feeling inconsiderably angry about some things that are not even mildly annoying. Every single thing becomes heavier. Even things that you didn't know existed. Even words that you want to utter become heavy, you are not able to let them escape your mouth. Your body becomes heavy even if you weigh like a thin paper. You lie underneath the blanket in a cold night and watch days pass by. You are unable to remove the blanket and get up. Soon, everything bocomes one colour. You start forgetting anything else other than that colour. You start forgetting faces you have met and smiled with. You start forgetting names you have whispered as prayers. The colour starts engulfing your brain. Your memory. Your sense of knowing things. There is a complete loss. One moment, you have this life. Full of random people, hobbies, tasks, responsibilities. Then, the next moment. It is all engulfed by that colour. I can't even seem to remember what colour that is. The brain is been completely conquered and shut down.
- Oizys.