The diary entry was lodged successfully on the fifth day consecutively.
I woke up earlier than usual.
I
also got an email regarding gaining a head position in a community for
which I had applied by mistake and didn't even take the interview. What
do I do with that? Should I go along with it or recheck with them?
I had some puffed rice with raw mango for breakfast.
I
am considering making a small donation here as this morning when I
opened the Diary website, a notification popped up regarding the website
needing some financial support to pay its host. I don't know what to
do. Is it too early? I like this application and would love to
contribute to its well-being.
I am continuing with my search for work
opportunities. I am also planning to do some courses today. I found two
which are free and one which requires a small fee due to an offer. But,
I am scared to ask for money. Today is the last day of the offer. Let's
see if I can do something. Although, I have started the two free ones,
downloaded and reviewed the materials, and assorted them.
I am really craving something cold to drink.
This is the second day of exercise.
I got another rejection letter today.
I cried myself to sleep.
I have been having a lot of existential thoughts whenever I leave my land of thoughts and fantasies. I look around. My friends have other people in their lives. They go out, have lovely relationships, and have fun with their best friends. Do silly stuff, and make memories. My siblings are getting new jobs. People are moving in life further. And then I look inside myself. Just the sort of person, doing nothing much, in whom people take an interest once in a while but do not really care if I am gone or absent. I just sort of exist but do not really mean anything to anyone or any way that is possible. I keep thinking if I am really living my life or not. I search for memories, but my gallery is empty. My mind has no remembrance of anything that can make my soul nostalgic. Was I meant to be a human? Because, sometimes, even existing feels uncanny.
Today's mood: bleak, Sehnsucht, hiraeth
- Oizys.