Saturday, March 22, 2025

scream is my father tongue.

scream is my father tongue,

a jagged thing, sharp as splinters,
rooted deep in the marrow of bloodlines
that are too loud to be silent.
It starts in the chest, reverberates in the throat—
no softening, no apology.
It is a language woven in fire,
a tongue of anger and pride,
of warmth and war,
too thick for my mouth to swallow whole.

I hear it in the rustle of my mother’s apron,
in the crackle of old radios where his voice is more than sound—
it is history, the echo of a man still trembling
in the space between words and silence.
I inherit the sharpness of it,
the unspoken weight it carries.

But what of my voice?
A river too shallow to carry the same depth.
What do I say when words feel
like stones, heavy with the past?
When his voice looms behind me,
my own too light to fill the air between us?

In the face of his storms,
I learn to speak in whispers—
quiet, careful, as if my words are fragile glass,
afraid to shatter against the roar of a history
that was never mine to tame.
It’s not rebellion, not yet.
It is distance,
a distance like a mountain between my tongue
and his.

But within me, there grows a need,
a hunger to find the language
that is uniquely mine,
not dictated by the past,
not bound to the weight of his rage or silence.
I search for a word that feels lighter,
that can glide like feathers across the skin,
that can breathe without carrying
the weight of a hundred years of wars,
of things never spoken aloud.

Some days, I feel the urge to break free—
to toss the old language aside like a garment too heavy,
too stifling.
Other days, I carry it,
wrap it tight around my chest,
like a blanket passed down from grandmother to mother to me,
uncomfortable yet familiar,
a shield in a world where my voice often feels too soft
to make a mark.

I carve my identity in fragments of language,
in words stolen from books,
in laughter shared with friends who understand
the complexity of this inheritance.
I do not discard it; I adapt it.
I twist it, bend it to fit the contours of who I am becoming,
a voice that knows when to rise
and when to rest,
a voice that is soft but not without strength.

I stand before him,
knowing that I will never be fully free
from the weight of his tongue—
but in that freedom, I find my voice.
It is my inheritance, my heritage.
Not in the scream,
but in the quiet courage to speak in a way
that belongs to no one but me.

My words are the bridge
between past and future,
silent yet singing,
a new tongue forming in the spaces
between his shout and my whisper.

- Oizys.

Thursday, March 20, 2025

IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, WHO I HAVE BEEN

I was fascinated by this poem called IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, WHAT I WANTED TO BE WHEN I GREW UP, and I was inspired by it. You know that kind of inspiration that leads you to create an identical piece of art in structure and thematics but replacing it with your own essence, but you end up just rewriting the same thing in your own handwriting? Well, thank god, I am typing. And I tried threading this light thread. Perhaps some warm-up for the upcoming Glo/NaPoWriMo 2025!

IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, WHO I HAVE BEEN

Fearless / a pirate with a plastic sword / the kid who never lost at hide-and-seek / the best artist in second grade / a scientist mixing shampoo in the sink / the hero of every bedtime story / a magician who still believed in magic / quiet / the girl who never raised her hand but always knew the answer / the one who wrote letters she never sent / a poet before she knew the word for it / the best friend, but never the favorite / the one who tried to make people laugh / the one who made herself disappear / an echo of someone else’s expectations / an unfinished sentence / the voice in the background of someone else’s song / a missed call at midnight / someone who leaves first so she’s never left behind / the girl at the train station, waiting for something unnamed / the passenger seat of too many cars / the apology that never came / the playlist no one listens to anymore / a wishbone waiting to break / the feeling of déjà vu in a city she has never been to / the one who always comes back / the story still being written / a dreamer, still / a lighthouse without a shore / a punchline without a joke / the taste of metal in a mouth full of words / a storm warning no one took seriously / the unavailable extra chair at the dinner table / the sound of footsteps behind you that aren’t really there / a burning house and the last person inside / an open tab with no intention to pay / the ghost in someone else’s memory / the first sip of coffee at 2 a.m. / the aftermath of something that could've been beautiful / the echo after the door slams / the person you think about but not enough to give a call / a dream you wake up from too soon / a body that belongs to everyone but herself / a firework that never went off / a secret she never meant to keep / a name said like a question / the message typed but never sent / the first to say sorry even when it wasn’t her fault / a Sunday afternoon that feels like mourning / the laugh that covers up the silence / the girl who was always just a little too much or never quite enough / the voice shaking but speaking anyway / a collection of almosts and what-ifs / the loose thread in the sweater someone keeps pulling / the ghost of every version of herself she promised she’d be / the bridge between who she was and who she is / the sound of footsteps walking away, and this time, it's hers