Am I Doing Enough Or Not?

Currently, I do not have much going on in my life to write about. It is all the same. Wake up, work, sleep. But, I have been wondering. About the university, I had mentioned earlier. I was so caught up in desiring and fearing, I forgot to think if I am prepared for it. I mean, that is the most important part. Am I doing enough? Am I eligible to study there? Am I preparing enought for it? I am so scared and feeling so jittery. Ugh. Why can't I be more decisive? And, confident? Or, a bit more sorted? Why do I have to be constantly worried about things. A constant itch in my left foot numbing my entire body out of anxiety and twitchiness. Why can't it be a bit simple for me just once? Sometimes, I feel like I cribble too much about it but then I think, is everything else also always crippling with constant uneasiness and collywobbles like me? I wish I could have something or someone who would just tell me, what would it be for me? What's in the store for me? What will the providence throw at me this time? I just cannot stop ruminating, over and over again. I am mentally exhausted. 

- Oizys.

Success Is Weird

It feels so weird to go to the next level, right? You have worked hard for it. Sleepless nights. All the running around. The juggling. All for something. And, then when you get it, it feels weird. People say it is just self-doubt creeping in. Some say, you are not in the same place anymore and the new place is just... new and you need to start getting used to it. And, when you are there, the easiest option is to take a step back to where you previously were. That itch in your foot. Ugh. I start feeling anxious. Do I deserve this? Do I do this or that? Am I doing it right? That constant itch in my foot had numbed my entire leg and I am so, so tired. So tired of feeling incompetent in my own head. So tired of underestimating myself. But, I can't stop. Because the moment I stop, the other set of thoughts wakes up on the other foot. And, the cycle continues. I feel constrained and drained. You give everything you have just to worry if you deserve it when you finally get it.

- Oizys.